Not This Time
by Katonix
Summary: What if Tamlen had never touched the mirror? Tamlen/Female Dalish


_What if Tamlen had never touched the mirror?_

"Please, just this once Master Varathorn?" Mahariel pleaded, practically on her knees.

"Why do you want run off today, my child? Usually you are pouncing at the opportunity to work with me. Always going on about how you can't wait to lose 'The Chains of Apprenticeship'." Varathorn smirked down at the female, even though he _was _honestly curious why she would not want to work with him.

Mahariel blushed slightly and mumbled something under her breath. Her fingers twined together in front of her chest as she looked down.

Now Master Varathorn truly was confused. One minute he was talking to a head strong warrior, then, there stood an innocent bumbling youngling in front of him. She was obviously uncomfortable and he felt upset having to press her for answers, but as her mentor he was obligated to know in order to keep her out of trouble.

"Speak up child," he spoke kindly, "I will not be angered by your answer, and am not upset that you don't want to spend your day with an old elf." He smiled, trying to relieve some of the tension in the conversation.

"I wish to visit Tamlen on his hunt, Master." She stated in a shaky voice, letting her eyes look everywhere but Varathorn's face. She crossed her arms over her bust and hung her head shamefully.

Varathorn seemed to beam, unable to hold back a small laugh. "Mahariel, seeking out the company of your friend Tamlen is not something to be ashamed of. I bet he would love your company while he was hunting. Plus, you seem to keep him out of trouble. _Most_ of the time."

She looked up and nearly jumped for joy. "Oh thank you Master! I promise I will be back early to help you with your work. If I am lucky, I will find Ironbark along the path."

She slung her bow over her shoulder and grabbed her sword before Varathorn could respond, and slipped off into the woods. Varathorn simply stood there smiling. He was an old elf no longer running amidst the clan's gossip, but even he knew that Tamlen and Mahariel were inseparable. It would be quite interesting if…no. He had other things to do than ponder over silly rumors. He turned and pulled some wood from a shelf and got to work.

She swept through the woods like a cat, pouncing over fallen trees and slipping silently through the curtains that the willows made. Desperately, she looked for signs of Tamlen, but he was as hard to track as any elf. Mahariel simply followed any small scuffs in the dirt in an attempt to make it at least seem like she knew where she was going. At one point, she found an arrow that her friend had carelessly left sticking out of a tree. However, it was impossible to see where he had gone. She simply kept walking though and right when she was about to give up, she heard his voice.

He was talking to himself and using a knife to whittle down on a piece of wood. He looked frustrated so she could only guess that his hunt was going badly. He was supposed to bring back a wolf pelt, and if he succeeded he would no longer be an apprentice. There had been a lot of clapping him on the back as he had walked into the forest, but she had not had the time to say good luck. She had slept in due to a long night of working on her new bow, which was progressing _very _slowly.

"Need company, Lethallin?" She spoke louder than normal, popping out from behind a curtain of willows to pounce on Tamlen playfully. They scuffled in the grass for a few minutes before Tamlen pinned her down and sat on his knees.

"What are you doing here, Lethallan? Not that I don't want you here, but…weren't you supposed to be working with Master Varathorn?" Tamlen looked down at her with an eyebrow raised, his legs straddling hers in a way that caused her to wiggle uncomfortably.

She slid backwards away from the awkward position to look at him with genuinely innocent eyes. "I wanted to be with you, so I made a decision." She acted as if it were nothing, blinking at him.

Her answer invoked a smile and small stutter from the male across from her. She brought her knees to her chest and gawked at him with wide eyes. They were silent for a few minutes as they simply looked at each other. Knots built up in both of their stomachs as Tamlen opened his mouth to say something, but was interrupted by a loud scream.

They both bolted upwards and unsheathed their weapons, standing side to side as the yelling came even closer than it had a few moments ago. Suddenly, a Shem came out from behind a tree followed by two others. They stopped dead in their tracks as they saw two elves with their bows aimed on them.

Tamlen spit on the ground at the humans' feet before looking at Mahariel. "What shall we do with them, Lethallan? They have passed too close to our camp, and they could be here trying to steal from us."  
Before Mahariel could speak, one of the Shems started babbling about ruins and demons. She was not impressed. How dare these human trespass so close to their camp and then come up with such feeble lies to try and cover their tracks. She didn't even answer Tamlen before letting her arrow loose on them. Within second, all three of them were shot down.

She looked away from the bodies and towards her companion with a look of distaste. "What a silly attempt at trying to deceive us. And we elves are the once forced to run? I believe Halla have more intelligence than these poor creatures."

"But they spoke of a ruin. Perhaps we should go see what they were babbling on about?" He spoke with his usual 'I'm-about-to-get-us-in-trouble' tone.

"They spoke of demons, Lethallin. Even if they were lying, why should we risk it?" Mahariel looked at him skeptically.

Tamlen let out an over exaggerated sigh and ran his fingers through his hair. "Mahariel," he had dropped the use of affectionate names, "would you rather live life fully and die young or live a long life never stepping out of your comfort zone?"

She reached a hand out, frowning at the fact that he was not only using her formal name, but her last name. "That's not what I meant, Lethallin. I just don't think we should head straight into trouble. Remember last time? You almost got killed by a wolf. You were lucky The Keeper was able to heal your wounds."

Tamlen winced. "I would have been fine, if you hadn't been the one distracting me from shooting it in the first place." He stated defensively.

Tears welled up in Mahariel's eyes. "We were too young to take down a wolf then, you know that. I just didn't want you to get hurt. I've apologized more than I can count. You don't know how much it pains me to know I was the one who endangered you." She let out a small whimper at the thought.

It had been 5 years ago when they had decided to wander off and hunt without the permission of their mentors. They were both so sure of their abilities. When a wolf had come barreling towards Tamlen while he had been aiming to shoot it, she had cried out, causing him to turn and the wolf to ram into him.

Luckily, she had been there, and took the opportunity to pull out her knife and slay the creature. However, Tamlen had been gravely wounded. Appearing unconscious and bleeding heavily from his side, she fell to her knees next to him and cradled his head to her chest. She was far too small to drag him and she feared if she left him, more wolves would come back to finish the job. Fearing it was his end, she had gently placed a kiss upon his lips before lying next to him to sob.

She still had no idea how The Keeper had managed to find them, or even heal Tamlen after having lost so much blood. All she remembered was sitting next to him every day until he recovered. Even Master Varathorn had not asked that she leave him.

She never did truly know when she began to realize the ways she felt for her Lethallin, but she believed it might have been that day. Seeing him there and not knowing if she would ever have him again had felt like her heart was being ripped out of her chest. After that day she tried everything to keep Tamlen out of _too_ much trouble. It was selfish, but she did not want to live in a world without him.

When she finally came back to reality, Tamlen was glowering at her. Her comment about being sorry must not have seeped through his anger. He turned around and started walking in the direction that the Shem had stated the ruins were.

"If you want to come, then hurry up, but I'm going to those ruins no matter what you say." He huffed, not bothering to look back.

She gazed at his back for a few minutes, her mind still slightly hazy from the memory. She followed him slowly before she realized what she was doing. Her chest hurt as she thought of all the scenarios that could play out. Tamlen being killed by a demon did not sit well with her. She picked up the pace and grabbed onto his arm roughly.

"Look, Mahariel, I'm not going to let you sto-" Her started, but was cut off as Mahariel shoved him up against a tree with strength he did not know she possessed.

"I'm not letting you go to that stupid ruin, Tamlen, I'm not!" She cried. "I won't let you put your life in danger. Not this time! It won't be my fault! I won't let The Gods take away anything else I love! Not this time!" She started sobbing uncontrollably as she wrapped her arms around Tamlen's midriff.

"Not this time. I won't lose my Tamlen. They won't take him away from me like they took my parents. They won't." She wasn't even truly talking to Tamlen anymore. She was simply saying what was going through her brain.

She expected Tamlen to shove her away, call her crazy, and run away to the ruin only to get hurt like he always did. Her heart would be ripped out again only to have The Keeper save him and for the cycle to start all over again. Instead, she felt his hand run gently through her hair and his other arm pull her closer.

"I'm sorry, Lethallan. I didn't know. I'm so sorry." He choked back a small sob as he held her to his chest. "I won't ever leave you. Never." He whispered, pressing his lips against her forehead.

She looked up at him with her big blue eyes, slightly puffy from crying. She knew what she was going to ask. Even if they were both apprentices, she didn't care anymore.

"Tamlen…" Her voice broke slightly as she spoke, but she trudged on. "Will you be my mate? I don't care what anyone else thinks. I would rather live a short life knowing you loved me than a long life never asking you."

Tamlen didn't answer in the most conventional way; rather, he pressed his lips to hers and refused to let her go.


End file.
